Since early 2006, I've been single. As God drew me to himself during the Spring of that same year, he was tearing away different things from my life--things in which I sought security, satisfaction, and significance. God brought me out of a terrible past with worldly dating. Post-conversion, I knew I had to figure out my new identity and couldn't get involved with any kind of relationship for a little while. But, as I grown and matured, I began opening that door and putting myself out there--to see if God's got someone out there for me...and it's only been frustration since.
I don't get it. I just don't get it. 3 different attempts over the past few years in hoping to pursue someone, and while the roads looked open and promising, a dead end was awaiting each time. I'm pissed because I'm tired of the rejection, if she's not the one I don't want feelings for her--or vice versa. I can't even equate the hurt I've experienced because of this.I know I don't deserve a godly woman, and I can't lie to myself and say I've earned the right to have one. But I'm honestly wearied by seemingly promising horizons that are only drop off cliffs. I've asked for discernment, that God would not even let me open the door if it was to be shut later on...yet He's allowed me to go through and get hurt. I don't get it.
I'm tired of the pseudo-advice, the "plenty of fish in the sea" crap; the more I hear that phrase, the more I hate it. I know this blog is supposed to be "Reflections of a Ransomed Soul;" well, I'm reflecting and trying to figure out what God my Savior is doing.
4 comments:
There's only one "angel fish" for you, so I'm not thinking on that route. All I know is that God is making the path and that there was a purpose. . .I really do understand that now, being a pirate and all.
I'll tell you a little secret. If you like a girl, you need to tell her. Say something. It's hard, but if you're looking in the right places, there will be somebody. Trust me, I'm at the exact same spot as you, and I'm thinking the same thoughts. But you're a good guy, God will put the right girl in your life at the right time. Not your time, but His.
And I hate it when people tell me there's plenty of fish in the sea too.
@Talitha - thanks for the wisdom. I really miss you guys.
@Sara - I've got the boldness with proclaiming my feelings, no worries there. And you're right, it's all His timing.
I'll just say that you're not alone! I threw myself a nice pity party yesterday on the subject before finally turning in to read my chapter in the bible for the day on Ecclesiates. Chapter 3, first thing it starts out with is..."there's a time for ___ and a time for ___". Here I am wondering why I go through so many...dead ends. And God leads me to this...I'm always here to listen if you feel like talking :)
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