It's February 22, 2012. My last update about life was in November, and some notable things have happened; I'll work back from December and give you 3 things worthy of mentioning and praise.
Starting off with a big praise! Back in December, my parents and I rode up to VA Beach to visit my brother, Christian, who, being obedient to the Lord's command, was baptized along with his wife. Leading up to this weekend, my brother and I had some great conversations that started with discussing denominations, and from there the meaning of baptism, saving faith, Christian perseverance, and, of course, the Gospel. I was quite to glad to talk with him about all these things, because we had never really done so in the past. Turns out that the Lord had really been doing a work in his heart. Some things had started clicking, like how the Gospel is what brings us to Christ and what carries us all the way home--not our own works. Soon, he and my new sister-in-law began visiting churches in their area, and had finally found one that they would attend on a consistent basis. They began meeting with the leadership at the church, and soon after the leadership evaluated their true, saving faith, a public display of obedience would soon occur--baptism. They invited my parents and I to come be witnesses to the occasion, and I was very glad to be there. Words cannot express how great it is to see my oldest brother pursuing the Lord, and in turn now desiring to be a godly husband and father. What a great God we serve!
For everyone will be salted with fire. - Mark 9:49
Spiritually, I was in a dark place for a few months. Worry and anxiety was attempting to anchor my soul to the dust, and at times I allowed them to engulf me. My unbelief of worry began sprouting its head when the truth of the immutability of God wasn't comforting my soul (by God's immutability, I mean that who He is never changes--He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.) What was I worried about? If you go back and read some of my poetry since July, you'll catch some of my drift--a mixture of heart break, uncertainty of the future, and a discontentment of my current situation. These things were choking me, and I was desperate to get these burdens off my shoulder. But my problem resided in the fact that I wasn't drawing near to the one who promised rest for my weary soul; instead, I was holding onto my burdens and using them as an excuse to remain downcast. I wondered if God truly did care about little 'ole me, this speck of dust in a much larger universe. But while my crushed soul was wondered, "God! Where are you?!" God was one who saying, "Travis, not where am I, but where are you?" No, God didn't verbally speak to me nor did I have some vision; this was the Spirit convicting my heart of being a wayward son. As Adam hid from God in Eden, so I had tried to hide and be alone in my downcast-yet-disobedient state; God had not left, He remained the same, yet my shame drove me away from His presence.
Now, I did say these were going to be praises, so here's how I left the dark caves of anxiety, worry, and discontentment. During church one Sunday at CBC, Pastor Bill was preaching the latter end of Matthew 6--where we find Jesus telling his disciples three times: Do not be anxious. He pointed out how our English word "worry" comes from some German word which means "to choke." As he pointed this out, I immediately remembered one of the soils mentioned in the Parable of the Sower spoke of choking. So I flipped over to Matthew 13, and I was reminded of how some of the good seed fell among thorns, and they came up and choked the plant--proving it to be unfruitful. Jesus later explains this as the deceitfulness of riches and cares of the world that does the choking. Was I allowing my circumstances to choke me? Yes. Is worrying a sin? Yes. My stomach then sank...I realized my persistent worrying and anxiety was squeezing the life out of me, and in my desperate attempt for release, I was acting like Jonah running the very opposite direction of where I knew God would be. It was time to cast off that heavy burden that I couldn't bear any longer. And now...there's freedom and relief. I'm commanded to only be concerned with seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness, today. As I seek this kingdom, God's promised to take care of my bodily temple down here. And furthermore, I'm promised access to throne of grace, where at anytime, I may draw near and lift up His name, be thankful, and pray to him & lift up requests and supplications. And as a friend told me last week: "When you pray, you aren't worrying; when you worry, you aren't praying. Can't do both." What a timeless truth. I've come to a point in my walk with the Lord where the fog has cleared, and I can see things clearly. God never stopped being good, He never stopped being faithful--but it was my faith that was being tested, my hope in things which aren't seen with my physical eyes.
Lastly, I made a new friend last week...and I'm very much enjoying getting to know her :)
I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live...Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you. - Psalm 116:1-2, 5-7.
Lastly, I made a new friend last week...and I'm very much enjoying getting to know her :)
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