Christian Guys and Dating

God has put many young guys in my path I can be a godly example to and be an influence to, and I'm thankful that He's done this because, for one reason specifically, I see a lot of guys have no good foundation or understanding for 1) the purpose of dating; and 2) the role of maturity. So, this is to all my Christian brothers out there; this is all based off of Scripture, not my own personal philosophy or mindset.

1) Purpose of dating is: marriage.
<> If marriage is not something you considered when beginning a relationship, or are thinking about it now: CAUTION. Why are you dating her? Most likely because it's a fling and not something God has put together.
<> Dating and Marriage are serious and sacred; you'd be hurting yourself and her by stirring up something improper or at the improper time.

2) Godly men must be seeking maturity, otherwise you are forfeiting God's command for you to not only grow but to lead.

Here are some concerns I have:

First and foremost, Christian male, if you're considering or are dating a non-Christian woman, there's something wrong.

<> The Bible gives an example of how a Christian marriage should look: a godly man leading a godly woman, with Christ as the center of that marriage. Now, if dating is supposed to lead to marriage, then it should have the same type of model: two godly people (male and female) in a Christ-centered relationship (**Ephesians 5:21-33**). Now think about this: if you date a non-Christian, is Christ really at the center? No. It'd be like her saying God is a part of her "wheel of life," while the guy is saying God is the center of his "wheel of life," meaning that Christ has changed him (**2 Corinthians 5:17**) and He is the basis of all moral and life decisions. She has just thrown God in the mix and thinks that He holds the same weight as school, money, and clothes. Jesus said a bad tree cannot produce good fruit. Guys, this type of girl is not for you: God has not saved her, and according to **Ephesians 2:1-3** she's still living by her original, sinful nature--a child of wrath. How on earth could you think that dating her would be okay? Missionary dating is found no-where in Scripture and cannot be backed up. **2 Corinthians 6:14-18** - righteousness has no fellowship with unrighteousness.
<>Basically, this is not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord, and you need to repent.

Secondly, if you are not spiritually mature enough to begin or sustain a godly relationship, then don't start it or get counsel FAST.

<> Dating, according to the world, is a fling.
-- Never think it is okay to meet a girl on Friday and be dating her by Sunday night. It's clear you're being led by your hormones and not God. Plus, you barely know her and she barely knows you. This is very immature and shows that you are still acting like a child and not a growing male.

<> Dating, in a biblical standpoint, must be led by a godly, spiritually mature male.
--Are you a new Christian? You shouldn't be dating. You don't know how to lead a woman because you don't know how to lead YOU. **1 Peter 2:2**

--Are you focused more on maturity or finding that girl? **1 Corinthians 14:20, Ephesians 4:5, 2 Peter 3:18** If you're more focused on maturity, then you are seeking God first and not circumstances. You focus on how to be a mature, godly man, and God will open the doors that need to be. Don't think that you can force a girl to like you, or drop her breadcrumbs to make sure she's following you; that's not treating her like a sister in Christ, you're treating her like a dog. Godly women are not objects, they are treasures; don't demean them.

--Praying about it? How we pray shows our dependency on God; are you praying and seeking out His will? Are you telling God what to do? Are you resisting his counsel? **Matthew 6:9-13**

--Seeking out wisdom from the brethren? If you're flying solo in all or any of the process, then a "red flag" should be thrown up. You get counsel from godly men, you get godly perspectives; it's foolish to think you have all the answers and that you know what you're doing. True godly men are gonna tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear. **Proverbs 12:15**

--Are you basing decisions off of assumptions, emotions, or feelings? **Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death** The emphasis here is "basing." Did you start wondering if a relationship could be possible only because she's hot? or because she makes you feel good? CAUTION. Just because you feel attracted to her or think she's hot DOES NOT MEAN that God wants you to start dating her. Let's be honest: if you did that, then you would be running through relationships like a madman. **Psalm 139:23-24** Check your motives before the Lord and before making rash decisions: is it godly & from the Lord, or is it your own personal search for satisfaction?

CONCLUSION:
i. The purpose of dating: marriage
ii. If you aren't maturing, then only maturity should be your focus--not dating or marriage.
iii. Don't think you deserve a relationship/marriage based on your maturity...it's all up to God's timing, not yours. You can't rush nor convince Him when you're ready: He knows when the time is right.